Wednesday, February 06, 2008

I wish.. or rather I wished!

When I was around ten years old, I got this awesome looking diary for new year from my dad. It was a UNICEF diary with pictures of kids from various parts of the world on each page. I fell so much in love with the thing that I spent around two months preserving it carefully with not so much as an ink mark on it while wondering about what kind of use to put it to that would merit its beauty. And then it hit me. Yeah.. I had for such a long time been aspiring to be a poetess (During those times, feminist I WAS, I still preferred using words like poetess and authoress of the archaic world :P) that the idea immediately caught on. And, I started writing. The usual stuff, you know.. On Nature and Flowers and Children and Animals.. And then, I wrote "I wish I were". I wrote for around 2-3 pages on what all I wished I were and why. The poem was on the following lines
"I wish I were a rose
That would be admired and loved by everyone"
and so on..

Now, you guys must be getting exasperated and wondering what I am trying to get at with such a long autobiography on nothingness. I will tell you in a moment.

Today, I was thinking too much (as usual, about irrelevant and incoherent stuff)and suddenly I wished again. This time, I did not wish to be things or people, for, after 12 long years, I have realized that I am quite content and happy with who I am rather than being a tiger or a lion or a nightingale.

I wished I could tell my little world what all goes through my not-so-little mind. I wished I could tell it that it is grossly wrong about the notions it has about me and my apparently uninteresting & ordinary life. I wished I could tell it that all that shows out might not always be the truth. I wished I could break this world free of its misconceived and baseless ideas. But, I realized soon enough that these are just wishes, not hopes. They are as good as those wishes I'd had 12 years back. Things that can neither be said nor done, but can only be imagined and illusioned. Or, rather, things that WOULD neither be said nor done, but WOULD only be imagined and illusioned.

For, ain't I a true Leo after all!:D

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Insightful indeed Ivak !!!

There are times when we feel that the "world does not understand me"...even your little world that you were mentioning. There is no world, without "us" in it. If the world has baseless ideas, so does each one of us. Accept the incapacity of the world in understanding the truth.

As a Prof puts it - in the absence of absolute truth perception is reality :)

Sorry if it sounds confusing:), we are as much as a cause of how the world perceives us, as the world itself. It is a two way process, even when we form opinions about other people, the same holds good :)

But yes, maturity lies in not concluding about people and shooing them away, but waiting patiently to see what more is there to be seen in them! A very very difficult thing indeed to do !!!