Of manias and disorders

Different people have different manias in life. For example, some people keep talking over phone all through the nights (with people other than their gfs and bfs as well: night - phone - o - mania), some keep going for second and third and fourth rounds of desserts (sweet - o - mania), some keep sleeping through days and nights continuously (sleep - o - mania), some keep orkutting with arbit people and known people also at times (scrap - o - mania), some keep cribbing about shortlists and interviews and the fact that they are single (group all that together as crib - o - mania) and so on.

I have a very strange mania, called tagline - o - mania. Yes, my frequency of changing taglines on GTalk and BRacket is one per hour, if you are lucky. Sometimes, I even change them every five minutes, because I seem to be having so much to tell the world. I would put "I am loving everything" this very minute, then get cranked up over something, scream at someone and come back and put "I hate the world!" in just five minutes time. I think it could even be a Compulsive Tagline Disorder (CTD), something far more strange and scary than a mania. But, I do like it after all you know. All that footage I get from those hazaar taglines I keep changing on GTalk. Right now, I am battling with myself and the world on which of these taglines to put on GTalk for the next ten minutes. Should it be "Aakhri Baar.." (Last Exam), "Completely Taxing Management" (That's my last end term Comprehensive Tax Management), "I flit, I float, I fleety flee I fly" (I don't know why because I am not exactly feeling that way), "Last exam of my academic life.. phew.." (Well, that's self-explanatory after all this rigmarole), "Of eminent friends and responsible superiors" (Which is not self explanatory and which I am least inclined to explain) and so on (Well that was just out of habit. It's only that much!). Anyway, going back to why I was writing this, it is just that I am not able to express soooooo much on a single tagline and so I thought "Why not blog this crap and then put the blog address as a tagline!" Not a very innovative thought that! But still a thought. Ok, I know I am arbitting too much today not least because its one of those "last" days again tomorrow. Yeah I guess you know by now.

Well, lets not digress. I have not yet figured out whether this is a mania or a disorder. But, I know of one other thing which is definitely a disorder.

I have this other, you could probably call mania, or in simple terms habit, of chatting really lots! If you have been following all my posts carefully, you would know that I am in fact addicted to GTalk and BR. So, I have this habit of chatting on multiple windows at once. And, when I am talking really interesting and/or personal stuff, I tend to rightly (or wrongly most of the times) type it on someone else's window. For instance, the other day, I was chatting with this friend of mine and telling him that my research work is getting published as a case in a book by my Prof (yeah I know I am bragging and I love all this footage! In fact I even put the mail from my Prof indicating the same as a tagline!). So, he asked me for a treat and I said "Yes, sure, why not, meet you at CCD tomorrow evening". And, promptly typed all this and sent it on this other group chat window, immediately leading to some 7 people pouncing on me saying "Yes we will be there". And, did I stop there? I actually typed what was meant for this group chat which went something like "Yeah 10k is too much. I can't afford it for the trip" and sent it to this friend of mine! Phew! One of those embarrassing moments, you would think! But, I have done more of them. Just today, I was asking after someone's health and telling him that he should call me if he needs anything at all and sent it on a GTalk chat window. These are just few of those instances I remember. I seem to be doing at least one every week and more on an average per week.

And, I tend to repeat mistakes with the same people at times, which is even more embarrassing. It is almost as if I am deliberately trying to get attention, which I am not, of course. I would be doing it only if I am not chatting with that person. Why would I do it with someone with whom my chat is going full strong and then get embarrassed and stop even!

Not that I get too embarrassed as well, you know! Most of my friends tell me that I do not know how to get embarrassed. More on that some other time (I know you are least interested in knowing about it, but I would still type it out in my own verbose way and pain everyone to read it as usual!)

Nostalgia!

"Time to leave the dream place I slept through, " says a friend. Once I log into GTalk, there are similar sounding status messages like "The last mile", "One more week to go", "Last three days of classes", "Done with IIM" etc. each one expressing a myriad of emotions on this last one week. To some, it looks like that most awaited release from jail. To most others, it feels like the end of the world.
Not many months ago, I too was counting down weeks with glee, reflecting sentiments similar to the former group, immensely happy at the thought of leaving. Now, there is little less of the glee, little more of the sorrow at having to leave.
Sorrow at having to leave
• Late night meetings
• CC war rooms
• The squad at the PGP office headed by Gundu Rao
• Talks at the Audi
• PPTs attended in business suits, business formals, PPT formals & informals
• Sleeping in class
• Working stealthily on the laptop (read chatting on GTalk) while some really serious stuff like economics, tax, finance and sales keep happening on the dais
• Surprise quizzes, not-so-surprise quizzes, announced quizzes all considered alike after sometime
• RGgiri
• Learning diaries
• Mentoring and mentees
• Unmaad and Vista
• L^2s and Dandiya nights
• Sports meets - the numerous Spardhas and Sangrams and Sangarshs and what nots
• Official GBMs and not-so-official GMs(Gossip Meetings)
• BRacket and Arbit
• Pathetically slow internet speeds
• DC++ our savior
• Resume submissions and shortlists
• 11:59:59
• Tea at NC at 12 midnight
• Campus walks at 1 in the morning, on the road to Whispering Teaks especially
• Music at full blast at 2 in the morning
• Laughing away to glory on not so deserted corridors at 3 in the morning
• Hot plates of Maggi at Athicas at 4 in the morning
• Chikamallaiah and his everyday quota of spams
• RTK with his own share
• Innumerable birthday treats, PPO treats, LPO treats and any other plausible treat on Earth
• 'Jab we met' level movies watched with a gleeful group of friends, armed with Lays and Pepsi
• Breakfast at the mess
• Dinners at Krishna Kafe
• CCS and its extension
• Papers, Competitions and Debates
• UnBold Inc.
• CP, ACP, DCP and more variants
• Special lunches for Pongal and Onam, candle light dinners on V Day
• Chocolate dedications on Christmas Eve
• Study groups formed towards the end of our times here


I know, I know I have got obsessed with bullet points. This is my third bullet point post. Happens with experience.. sigh! Could not find a better way to mention each and every one of these things that I am going to miss so much. Others please feel free to add to the list. I might have after all missed some really important stuff.

102F 120/100

I will really really try not to make this sound like Quite senti this one although you have no option but to put up with it even if it does :P

I have been "terribly ill" for some days now. One of those terrible times when I oh-so-much miss Mommy. Being the spoilt single kid I have always been (yes yes I am still a kid - don't even think otherwise, will you!), Mamma has been around always, be it fever small or big, food poisoning, or a fall on a perfectly flat floor with all the right friction. Oh yeah, that's another story in itself. My Dad used to say that I never learnt how to walk right. Just imagine walking on a perfectly flat floor with proper friction, as I said before, and generally tripping on your own feet and falling down, hurting your knees, ankles, hands and even face at times.

This term has been all this and more, the latest being 102F, 120/100 (Temperature and Blood Pressure in that order). Mom was yesterday very senti and said, "If I had been there, I would have done this.. that.. and a lot more". Then, I told her, "Amma don't worry. Really, people are doing this.. that.. and a lot more for your kid".

For instance, there is my brother, the official Hospital partner, who keeps shoving food into my mouth all the time. Actually, I do willingly eat because the alternative would be to listen to whole loads of related and unrelated gyaan with probablys and possiblys thrown around freely here and there. Sometimes, I imagine what's gonna happen when this guy gets kids. Imagine a place full of small gyaaners replicating him! Lord save the world!

Then, there is the happy family which lovingly cuts apples for me, forever chides me saying, "Beta, how can you not finish a course of tablets", gets fruit cakes 'cos am tired of having mess food that further sickens my already sickened mouth and tongue and life, forces food into my mouth, even mess level food, makes me laugh and laugh and laugh leaving me happy and contented like never before.

Then of course, there is the fairy who thinks she is the Dada of IIMB. Oh yeah, you should listen to the kind of stuff she talks. "What eh! What! What will you do now? You better don't do anything that I do not approve of ok!" I love it when she thinks am really really getting intimidated with whatever she says with that cute smile on her face :) I still remember that night when I was shivering like crazy and kept calling her to cover me with blanket after blanket, quilt after quilt. She kept rubbing my feet and hands and making them warm, and almost moving me to tears.

How can I miss out the k'night' who calls me regularly before every meal to find out what I want and keeps getting it for me, and keeps scolding me all the time for not taking proper care of myself, forces me into wearing sweaters and jackets. I hate to admit it, but I do get kinda scared of her at times!

And yes, the Black Tea woman who keeps saying, "If you need anything call me ok" with a cute sweet smile. And 'cos of whom I have taken a sudden liking for black tea.

And Manage who says the whole illness could possibly be because of loads of ice I kept on my face around two weeks ago (remember that habit of mine to trip on my own feet and fall - one of those days when I hurt my face major time). I know that life is a cycle but I did not know that it is chain enough for one illness to lead directly to another. Interesting thought that!

And, almost all the people in this small world of mine who keep calling me to assure me that I am over exerting myself (God knows who put such ideas in their minds!) and I should really sit back and take some rest for a change(which I am anyway doing, more so ever now thanks to all these antibiotics).

Actually, you know what, I do not know how to end this post. Like, should I sing an ode or something as tribute? Would sound very filmy right? So let me stop here. Very abrupt, I know. It doesn't really matter. And, I am NOT going to say thanks now and get kicked when I am in a 'bimaar' state already. Love you guys! All of you! Each of you in a special, different way :)

I wish.. or rather I wished!

When I was around ten years old, I got this awesome looking diary for new year from my dad. It was a UNICEF diary with pictures of kids from various parts of the world on each page. I fell so much in love with the thing that I spent around two months preserving it carefully with not so much as an ink mark on it while wondering about what kind of use to put it to that would merit its beauty. And then it hit me. Yeah.. I had for such a long time been aspiring to be a poetess (During those times, feminist I WAS, I still preferred using words like poetess and authoress of the archaic world :P) that the idea immediately caught on. And, I started writing. The usual stuff, you know.. On Nature and Flowers and Children and Animals.. And then, I wrote "I wish I were". I wrote for around 2-3 pages on what all I wished I were and why. The poem was on the following lines
"I wish I were a rose
That would be admired and loved by everyone"
and so on..

Now, you guys must be getting exasperated and wondering what I am trying to get at with such a long autobiography on nothingness. I will tell you in a moment.

Today, I was thinking too much (as usual, about irrelevant and incoherent stuff)and suddenly I wished again. This time, I did not wish to be things or people, for, after 12 long years, I have realized that I am quite content and happy with who I am rather than being a tiger or a lion or a nightingale.

I wished I could tell my little world what all goes through my not-so-little mind. I wished I could tell it that it is grossly wrong about the notions it has about me and my apparently uninteresting & ordinary life. I wished I could tell it that all that shows out might not always be the truth. I wished I could break this world free of its misconceived and baseless ideas. But, I realized soon enough that these are just wishes, not hopes. They are as good as those wishes I'd had 12 years back. Things that can neither be said nor done, but can only be imagined and illusioned. Or, rather, things that WOULD neither be said nor done, but WOULD only be imagined and illusioned.

For, ain't I a true Leo after all!:D