Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Desi mentalities

My passport has not seen day light since time immemorial. Oh, well, except on those rare occasions when my myriads of identity proofs fail to prove that I share my face with the one in the photograph. In other words, it has been ages since I set foot upon a foreign land, even the near shore likes of Nepal and Sri Lanka. Before I go into a limbo state where I can revel in an endless dream of all those foreign locales showcased by Karan Johar, let me get to what I was trying to get to.

A few posts back, I had mentioned this term ‘desi mentalities’, coined by Denzil. In all fairness to the general public, considering I am the possessor of a brand new passport which has remained brand new for many years now, I should be the last person to comment on sticky topics like ‘desi mentalities’. However, since I had promised Denzil that I would write about it, I am just putting across a random set of things here, wondering which of these would make it to an actual ‘Chronicles of Desi Mentalities’.

Inputs from holders of no-more-brand-new passports welcome; rather, much in need.

Wait your turn
Long queues? Cutting through long queues? Cutting through long queues imagining them to consist of translucent objects (a la Nearly Headless Nick) with little regard for other queuees’ hands, feet etc.? Doing away with ‘em long queues by running a random sprinting algorithm?

A pack, a cram, solpa adjust maadi
Crowding into trains? Crowding into overcrowded trains? Crowding into overcrowded trains with heavily laden suitcases? Crowding into overcrowded trains with heavily laden suitcases and bestowing murderous glances on fellow crowdees for having occupied an INCH instead of an mm of space?

Dynamic optimization solutions
Hey, random woman out there! I don’t know you, you don’t know me. We are standing in the same queue. If we both bill this together, our combined bill amount of INR 3,000+ would fetch us two free make-over sessions at the make-shift spa out there. What say?

Masala nahi dogi toh life barbaad hogi*
Is Deepika Padukone coming along with the Mallya dude for today’s RCB vs MI match? Forget the match, but what has Octopus Paul got to say about it? Reminded of octopuses, predictions, swamijis, oh damn! I missed the Swami Nityananda video footage on news last night! I am all for ToI, news is represented in such an interesting manner, unlike this boring Hindu.

I convert, you convert, all happy, I unhappy
That dress costs USD 600. Oh my god (chuk chuk tak tak - mind calculator), that works out to INR 29,100. I would not buy something so expensive even for my own wedding (loud thud). Faints!


* Am not completely sure whether masala-attraction is a completely ‘desi’ phenomenon or just human by nature; have added it here primarily ‘cos this was the focal point of contention between Denzil and me.

4 comments:

vinayvasan said...

You forget the "I dont know who you are or I am sure I will never see you again but can you please pass my 5rs and purchase a ticket from the bus conductor please" or repeat scene, while standing in a queue anywhere

Bihag Bhatt said...

Hum logon ko samajh sako to samjho dilbar jaani
Jitna bhi tum samjhoge utni hogi hairaani

Kavity said...

@Vinay: I am guilty of such crimes as that in buses :P

@'Butt'ah: Ok, I understood that partially

vinayvasan said...

@Butt-ah, Apni chathri tum ko dedhe,kabhi jo barse paani, kabhi naye packet mein bechen tumko cheez purani

I think that adds even more weight :)..