Apple's Juice and Other Stories

Conversation on IM between Friend (F1) and Me (I)

F1: Hey where did you abscond suddenly? Connectivity issues?

I: No, I had to be away on something urgently for a bit

F1: Like what?

I: Like I needed a tissue urgently ‘cos something had dripped.

F1: Like what? Tea? Or something more honorable, like coffee?

(Targeted at my intense hatred for coffee which is considered the elixir of life by many of my friends)

I: Apple Juice

F1: Ohh! (suddenly sounding impressed and all that) How did you get it? Got it from home?

(I was in office during this conversation)

I: Hmm.. no.. well.. actually.. (Not really wanting to answer now but not having much of an option).. Juice from an apple while I was trying to bite in to it spilled out.

F1: !!!???!!! what the!!

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Mail from friend (S) on a group thread regarding another member (F2)*

So I was at Infinity Mall and suddenly what do I see - a F2-studiously-trying-to-avoid-me. What the heck - I think. Let me watch him closely to see what could be the reason behind this logic-defying-activity, then pounce on him when he least suspects it.

So I watch him like a hawk and before long detect the reason for the same. Ah - say I.

Now for moving in for the kill. So I choose my moment with care, and when he is looking his most relieved at having avoided the ordeal, I jump in front of him, and say – F2!!! He spends the next five minutes and fifty sentences saying how truly-deeply-madly surprised he is to see me there.

Then I ask him, innocently, as I am sure, I always do - Who are you with. This question clean-bowls him. He reals under the shock of it, then steadies himself and points vaguely towards Andromeda Galaxy, saying - with a colleague

I purse my lips, smile knowingly inside my head and save the discussion for another day.

* Had to be tweaked a bit so as to avoid hits on the head from party concerned but had to be included in the blog come what may, as promised :D. Though lacks context for most people reading this, am sure it would have been an independent laugh riot when you read statements like “watching him like a hawk” and “moving in for the kill”

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Telephone conversation between friend (B) and me (I)

B: Hey Kavity!

I: Hey ‘Butt’ahhh!! Am very excited about coming to B’lore!

B: Hey when are you coming?

I: This weekend

B: Thank God, man, Thank God!

I: Ohh! You in town? It’s been ages since we caught up!

B: No no, I meant ‘Thank God, am not in town’. Saves me from the pain of having to meet up with you otherwise!

I: ??!??!

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Conversation between two colleagues (C1 and C2) when they meet after a long time

C1: Hey C2! Both of us have gained weight!

C2: No, I have actually lost weight

C1: Oh! I thought you have gained weight!

C2: No. I checked it only last week. So, am pretty sure I have lost weight.

C1: You might have checked and all that. But, am very sure you have gained weight.

C2: Dude! Give me a break! Would I know better about my weight or you?

C1: No, but still..

.. and on it goes.

That was just a sample of a C1 ‘gem’! In fact, there are plans to release a book on ‘Chronicles of C1's Arbit Antics” J

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Why these four incidents are related:

1. Am arbit
2. They are really real with absolutely no exaggerations; meaning, it is a 'least efforts basis' post
3. They cover almost* all different forms of communication (OK, I sat and thought this up only after finishing the post, in order to make it sound less arbit :D)

* - I have my caveats in place; letter writing is a unique art form that deserves a post of its own!