Distressed, rather

I have put this off for too long. It is high time I did it else my whole life will be in doldrums, not that it already isn’t.

Well, that sounds a tad too dramatic, even by my standards.

Without digressing further, what I need to do at the earliest possible is hit the send button on this very important e-mail.

Dearest Olay,
Can you please come up with a pro-ageing formula as soon as possible? I need something urgently that can accelerate my ageing specifically on the face.
Regards,

What may have prompted this outburst, you would wonder. Ladies and gentlemen, this is no outburst. This is a much planned, calculated, thought through, analyzed, sane (please feel free to add some more such adjectives at your whim and fancy) decision, not influenced by any person living or dead. Or maybe, it is.

Am sure anyone in my age group would be in seventh heaven hearing people tell them, “You look really young. Perhaps, you graduated this year.” And, what if different people in different situations and different environments tell this repeatedly? Isn’t it precisely what one wants to hear when going through this over-hyped quarter-life crisis?

However, I belong to a profession where women selectively color their hair so that grey strands are visible at strategic interludes and men wear spectacles to give them the ‘look’. I am surrounded day in and day out by people who perennially pray for wrinkled skin and grey moustaches.

I guess everyone has heard of those wise sages of epic fame, whose names I fail to recollect right now. We are a people like that. We need to, if not grow flowing beards and wear saffron robes, at least have sagely looks and stately manners so that we can advise wisely.

Wow! ‘Advise’ contains ‘wise’, in some convoluted form. It also contains ‘vice’, in a more straight-forward form!

Digressions apart, that is the long and short of it. Hence, I need to age soon so that I can join the bandwagon of wise sages and not stay young and foolish.

Before my boss voices it out some day, let me pre-empt my youth from becoming a ‘career-limiting’ move!