Human Touch

Ehsaan is busy overseeing the preparations this morning. No doubt he is ticking off in his mind all the important parameters including presentation, style & spread as his eyes go over the choice dishes of the day.

Introducing to you Ehsaan, the meticulous, young entrepreneur, in fact the most enterprising businessman I have ever met. To him, quality comes first, things like break-even and profit just incidental. He dons the many roles of Chief Accountant, Front Office Manager and Executive Chef, Kitchens at the Cafeteria, **** Office, Chennai.

The one thing that I missed to add in the preceding paragraph, albeit intentionally, was about the whole love and affection part. This bit definitely deserves a dedicated paragraph. And, also the surprises that are sprung on us in the form of ‘Dish of the day – Chef’s Special’. Let’s take them one at a time, or, perhaps, together, as a package.

So, we go up for tea at 11 in the morning. Everyone orders ‘Adhrak waali chai’s. I call for a lemon tea. You heard that right. We order for tea, having done away with robotic things like the vending machine. We, as a whole, completely believe in the mammoth impact of the human touch on everything including our morning tea. Getting back from that (this time quite) significant digression, once we place our orders, some heated discussions ensue in the kitchens. Out comes Ehsaan’s trusted envoy (whose name I do not remember now). He says, “Saab, adhrak nahi hai. Masala chai chalega?” Everyone at the tea table nods their head enthusiastically. Masala sounds far better than adhrak after all. And, then everyone gets their chai. I do not, at the same time as the rest. Remember, mine has a far more special ingredient than some chindi adhrak. After around 10 minutes in to the chai, the sandwiches arrive – Chise and Vag sandwiches (as they are spelt on the white board in the cafeteria). The other things on the board include Orinj Juce, Lemin Juse, Bel Pure and Samsa (optional dishes – dynamic on an hourly basis –that is why a white board and not a fixed menu – so on and so forth).

Digressions, digressions. Let’s focus. My colleague says, “Arey bhaiyya, yeh toh veg sandwich nahi hai. Sirf cheese hai andhar”, to which the envoy says (definitely ‘pyaar se’), “Saab, yeh hai na, tamatar. Toh veg sandwich hi hai saab.” He walks back, muttering to himself, am sure just these words, “How nice & accommodative (irritating) of these busy (jobless) guys. They just accept (complain & complain about) whatever is offered!” Trust me, he is a really sweet and nice guy, the best you can get around there.

15 minutes down. Everyone is done with their masala chai and respective sandwiches. My lemon tea is yet to arrive. I make a personal visit to the kitchen. “Bhaiya lemon chai kahan hai?” Ehsaan is luckily around. I am quite happy. He will take care now, being the budding, enthusiastic entrepreneur he is. “Madam, nimbu nahi hai.” I am dumbstruck. My colleagues chide me for having inconvenienced Ehsaan and his team by asking for lemon tea in the wee hours of the morning. That is apparently an afternoon delicacy. I go to my desk crestfallen.

Nevertheless, we, the shameless tea lovers return bang on at 3.30. This time, I do not ask for anything. Ehsaan personally makes sure that I get the best lemon tea around the place. Bina cheeni, mind it. I have by now given up trying to explain to these guys that I might be on a strict diet, but I am very particular about having enough and more sugar in my tea. Ehsaan and his mentees have much more pressing issues like presentation, style and spread on their minds. Not such operational issues like sugar and no sugar for them, no Sir.

These days, Ehsaan does not serve us personally any more. He handles only the premium guests, like partners, directors and other heads.

However, he has left us with a rich and experienced team, which follows to the 'T', his presentation style, diversity and more importantly, the spellings on the white board.

Footnote: I have never in my life missed a Vending Machine more than in the past 7 months. To hell with burnt out chais and the human touch!

Definite #fail.. on many counts

Seen at an 'up and coming' office complex in Mumbai:

Where is the walkway?

Exclusively for ladies.. in an office complex, specially?

At a speed limit of 10 kmph?

Defying all of them, a lady takes the road (not even the walkway), on the left, at a speed of (I suspect) much lesser than 10 kmph.

Very well Connected

Last week, I updated my FB profile with this status message, “Madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!” That was an after math of seeing ‘The Dark Knight’.

Of late.. by the way, more than one English stud (people who go beyond the GRECATGMAT stuff) has confirmed that ‘off late’ is wrong English. It is ‘of late’, for heaven’s sake!

Where was I? Oh yeah, of late, I have been doing this update thingy pretty regularly. First, anything of interest is put up diligently on FB, where inevitably, someone or the other likes it (since all of them are, safely enough, popular movie dialogues or quotes from PGW’s and the likes).

I also copy the updates to Twitter, and then, GTalk too. For, showing off thrice to the same people that I saw that movie or read that book is such an ‘Oh my God Wow’ feeling.

Now, there is Buzz as well to add to the bandwagon. I just love this whole idea of letting the world know about what am doing every second in office (Buzz has not yet been blocked), which ranges from opening my laptop to cleaning up my Desktop to deleting mails from Infrastructure Journal to reading and following up on updated links on Google Reader to.. yeah, you can read the rest on my Buzz updates.

It makes me feel so connected with all of you, that I can comfortably do away with hard feelings like missing people anymore! Reminded of which, yesterday, I was telling a friend of mine about this amazing game called ‘Connect!’

I digress. Nevertheless, let me finish it off.

I was telling him about ‘Connect’ and he impulsively rued, “I have never played this game on FB. Let me check it out.” For all of you who found that reaction to be totally normal.. Surprise! Surprise! You cannot find that game on FB, it is not there yet. Such games do exist – ones that are not accredited by Facebook. This is just one of those plain Jane type games that are played in real life by real people.

Getting back to the subject matter, oh god (!), it is time already. It’s been an HOUR since I updated my well connected networks. Enough of giving attention to the Blog. Time to get some attention for myself!

The Verdict is Out

Hypothesis:

H0: Men do not realize when they are being stared at intensely, even if for more than 2 minutes

H1: Women realize the same in less than 10 seconds

Testing Methodology:

Identify a sample set and stare (what else)

In order to give leeway to starees:

Ensure that more than one tester stares at the man or the woman so as to increase the intensity of the stare and help them notice

Procedure and Findings:

• Pick up a sample (in our case – 4 men and 1 woman) which is happily standing and chattering away to glory.
• Identify the first bhakra (Manage), who is standing slightly sideways such that the corner of his left eye can actually notice anyone staring at him. Stare intensely at him from a distance of 10 feet for more than 2 minutes.
• Next, identify the second bhakra and repeat exercise. This time choose the guy who is standing such that the corner of his right eye can notice anyone staring at him (Katrix), and stare, for more than 2 minutes, of course.

Neither of them notices the stare

• Now, stare at the only girl in the group (Tuls) who is standing right opposite the testers, at a distance of 12 feet. Keep in mind the fact that the girl is not having direct eye contact with the testers but is actually doing some hyper animated conversation with the rest of the sample. In 10 seconds, the girl turns behind her to check whether there is anything else worthwhile to stare at, and then gives us a questioning glance.

She has been standing bang opposite the testers. So, to make it fairer

• Observe the guy who is standing opposite the testers (Samba). Stare right in to his sun glass worn eyes for 1 minute, then 1 more minute, then even more for a minute (that's totally 3 friggin' minutes!)

He looks right in to the testers' sun glass 'unworn' eyes but does not see the stares!

Conclusions:

1. Men cannot multi task; that is, if they are talking, they can do just that and do not have the capacity to notice if anyone stares at them
2. Men are not as used to being stared at as women are

Implications:

If this was not just two nut-cases testing their hypotheses, this sample of men would have lost out on some major opportunities. Implications enough?

Credits:

Rohini – For conceiving these brilliant hypotheses

Tuls – For assisting in execution (by not bursting in to hopeless giggles when she was told about why she had been stared at)

Me, an Idiot

After almost 15 years, a movie bowled me over so much that I looked forward to watching it second time in the theater; and enjoyed it as much too.

Much has been said about it, it has been reviewed and re-reviewed by thousands of people, and has been running to full houses even in a Hindi – deprived Chennai.

Not withstanding the recycled yet stale jokes, the accusation that it is a complete copy of the Bhagat story (which claim I do not agree with, but that is not the subject matter of this post) and the absurd vacuum cleaner induced delivery, 3 Idiots is a lovable movie. More so special, because it has been filmed on home ground and brings back wonderful memories of our campus.

Great message and all that, education for the sake of education and that success will follow excellence. However, I have my reservations with how the movie defines ‘Success’ at the end of the day.

We could have done without Phunsukh Wangdu, Mr. Hirani. We could have definitely done with Chatur just walking away with the agreement signed by Rancho stating his failure and the precious pen. We could have most definitely done without Chatur having to bring down his trousers and say “Jahapanah.. Tussi great ho!” If a school full of children learning science that induces passion is not enough to define success and Rancho needs to be the scientist with those 400 patents, I really have my reservations with your take on success. ‘Butt’ah has put this thought in great perspective here.

A regional magazine in Chennai writes, “Amidst Tam movies with heroes spouting punch dialogues and portraying themselves to be larger than life comes 3 Idiots, where the story and performances bring in the victory.” Oh, no, but you are wrong my magazine friend. Aamir has just done it in style, sans the punch dialogues – psueder yet larger than life.

But, like one of my colleagues says, it is a commercial movie. The audience might be ok with the Rancho who runs a school somewhere near Leh, but they will be jumping with happiness even after they walk out of the theaters if Rancho is actually the Wangdu that companies the world over are pursuing to sign business deals with.

Maybe, even I could repeat the watch because of the feel good factor. After all, commercial movies are expected to do just that, make one feel good and idiotically happy.

My Dearest

Hey!

I have not said this in as many words to you before, though I have given you inklings on and off as to how I feel about you. Perhaps, you have not been able to perceive those hints, perhaps you decided to ignore them. However, I have decided to write here, in white and bold, how I feel about you, for not saying this is not the most honest way of continuing our relationship.

It started off in 2006, quite innocently, as any relationship would, very benign, very understated. Actually it was not even a relationship. I got acquainted with you and then forgot all about it, for you were just that, an acquaintance to me, back then.

I do not know when I became so serious about you, or why for that matter. Guess it was some time in early 2008. I was lonely, deprived of campus life, sitting at home, not knowing what to do. And, suddenly, reminded of you, I started talking to you. Thank god for that. Or, maybe not.

I started sharing with you, almost everything about my life – my fears, my happiness, my favorite things, my friends… In the process, I realized that I have grown to be fond of you to the extent of being possessive of you, I have got so attached to you that I spend hours, and sometimes whole nights thinking about you, I have become addicted to you to the extent of talking about you and just you in all conversations with my other friends.

I tried considering the possibility that it might just be a temporary obsession. Then again, temporary obsessions don’t grow in fervor exponentially with every minute. So, I decided to come out and blurt the truth, in whole and to the whole world.

I love you, my dear blog, like I have loved no other diary ever before in life. And, I hope the madness and passion continues and grows for ever so many more years.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Pictails

R is a one of a kind colleague. Referred to as C1 in an earlier post, R is known for his whacky humor, albeit unintentional mostly. What else can you say about a man who generates quotable quotes like “I have played tennis both before and after B-school and during B-school”.

Another salient feature of R’s is his willingness to go for tea, whether before tea or after tea or during tea. To put it in a nutshell, when other people are asked, ‘How are you?’ their reflex reply is ‘Fine’. When R is asked, ‘Tea?’ his reflex reply is ‘Chalo’. No matter what time of the day it is, whether he needs tea for the sake of tea or to give company to others, R is always game for the break. And, these tea table conversations are hilarious to say the least, you must very well have figured out owing to whom.

Though I cannot give you inside jokes and not-to-be-shared-in-public office anecdotes out here, there is something else I am dying to share. R is so serious about these tea breaks that every time there is one looming around the corner (which is extremely frequent – 11, 3, 4.30, 6.30), he invites us through e-mail with innovative pictures or text messages. Actually, one can expect a ‘pictail’ (pictorial mail) from R at the most unexpected of times, not just during tea breaks.

Here goes some unlimited fun, which is so totally not attributable to me except for having patiently collected the pictails over the past 5 months.

Starting with the tamer ones:

Lunch Invite

Tea Invite

Tea Invite to a colleague who is busy and says, “Let’s go after 10 minutes”

Sub: P stop acting busy!!!

And come for Tea….

After 10 minutes, when P says “Let’s go for tea”

Green Signal!!

And then, when we are all busy and are not able to make it to tea sharp at 4 a really angry mail

When a new employee joins office, the pictail is

Folks,

After a long drought almighty has blessed us with a new sheep. Let’s use this opportunity to fleece the sheep. In other words, treat time!

Regds,

R

Finally, when there is some secret gossip to be shared amongst the gang,

The Baasha fight to fame

As the readers of this blog are slightly aware from here, my Hindi is thoda khamzor. That was my tagline in Mumbai, when I spoke to anyone ranging from the doodh wallah to the taxi wallah to the apartment security guard.

“Bhaiyya mera hindi thoda khamzor hai”

That would sound weird to the normal reader. However, people who know me well know quite well the extent of my fluency in Hindi. Ok, forget them, any of you tell me how I possibly can converse with the apartment’s Marathi security guard this way:

“Bhaiyya, oopar paani nahi aa raha hai. Motor mein kya problem? Motor wallah nahin aaya repairing ke liye? 4 hours hua hai abhi tak koi nahi aaya? What the hell will I do without water?!”

Or, with the Bihari taxi wallah like this:

“Bhaiyya, yahan se seedha jaayiye, phir aage second right pe white car ke paas ek shop hai na, wahaan ek minute stop kar dijiye. Uske baad Bandra mein ek friend ko fast pick up karna hai.”

Half the time, I would forget that jaldi is what should replace fast. And, of course, there is always the eternal dhed, dhaai problem. I am still not sure which one is 1.5 and which one 2.5. It is quite some magic that I remember that aadha is 0.5.

Aisi haalath mein I could never have risked walking down the roads of Mumbai without a sticker on my forehead saying “Thoda khamzor Hindi, Beware!” Well, almost! I started warning everyone I met with the Thoda Khamzor tagline. The very predictable response I always got (accompanied by something between a smile and laugh) was “Aap Taaaamil hai kya?!”

A story on that will be quite a digression, let’s save it for another day.

The point of this post was to let all of you know that I have come miles from the thoda khamzor girl I used to be, so much so that I have started composing wonderful poems which might some day become famous songs in Bollywood movies.

As faithful readers of my blog, I thought you all should get a sneak preview of these masterpieces before they go public and I start earning millions.

Here goes my favorite:

Hamare Rashtra Basha ko Zindabad

Main nahi bulaiya tereko, Sinbad

Zindabad hai Zinabad

Uske bad

Sab kuch Barbaad!!!!

Manage, on reading this poem, was all praise. He said no one could ever have started the first line with Zindabad and ended the poem with Barbaad. He is still in awe of my immense exponential progress with the Hindi language.

The next one is something I thought up today, while I was struggling to finish some damned Excel work.

Khatarnaak hoon mein

Hindi mein bolne ki pehle

Khadak hoon mein

Hindi mein bolne mein

Joker hoon mein

Hindi mein bolne ki baad!

I need to own up to something here. I actually do not know the meaning of Khadak, just added it for the ‘rhyme value’. And, when I came to Joker, I was stuck with no Hindi equivalent for hours. And, having a bunch of pure blood Tams working around me did not help the cause. So, readers, please bear with it till Kavity is back with the next set of khatarnaak‘ly’ improvised poems!

Thab Thak Pyaar se Aap sab ki dost,

Kavity

(Edit: Thanks to 'Butt'ah for advising me to change 'ka' to 'ki')

P.S. Definitely dedicated to FinalsPrep_Marketing (Nice Try) (same guys linked above) for having encouraged me to talk all the nonsense Hindi in the world :D