Little Heart

A friend of mine once said, "It is toughest to know that a person is dying and be next to them and see them dying". I told him then, "Do you really think so? It is equally tough when you do not know."
Death is a humbling experience. It shows us how little control we have over the next second of our life. Money can do little much to control our lifespan, really.
Everyday, there occur a number of unexpected deaths, of middle aged and young men and women, leaving behind a lifelong gaping hole in the hearts of their near and dear. And in this same world do exist an almost equal number of people burdened by infirmity and deadly diseases with no return from the path to death, waiting and abiding their time, suffering excruciating pain. It is then that I wonder how incapable a being the human form is, how very incapable in front of God and Nature. We cannot control when we can die; rather, we can just wait and bide our time, meanwhile trying to make our existence as meaningful as possible for ourselves and others around us.

P.S. : The title of this blog was taken from the bed sheet that covers my grandmother's bed.

pgp_iimb_2010@yahoogroups.com

It has been almost a month and a half now since I graduated and vacated my “2 year home”. I have been missing all of what I guess everyone else has been missing which includes the midnight chai at Athicas, endless discussions on nonsense, sense, the world, some globe and a little bit of marketing, bracket spams, mess ka khana, and so on. In order to reduce the intensity of senti, I have been filling my daily routine with an hour of compulsive browsing of the various photographs I shot of campus, with and without people, at all times of the day, but it has not contributed much to the cause except for making me miss the past even more.
In the midst of this misery, a fachcha posted a link to the yahoo group that would welcome and clear the queries of the incoming batch of 2008-10 on BR and then ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. Yes! I am back to my old routine of almost night outs, sifting through hundreds of mails, laughing my head off, starring the “star mails”, reading and re-reading them and musing over how much my seniors would have laughed reading our mails to a similar group two years back.
The prim and proper ones introducing themselves with “Name:”, “Grad College:”, “Work Ex:” etc. are a tad too boring and do not catch my fancy. Nevertheless, they do tend to remind me of my own first mail which was equally boring and mini-resume level and probably one of the safest ‘cos of its obscurity. They also include some common place queries like “How many suits would we need?”, “What’s the dress code?”, “What is the minimum attendance requirement?” etc. And, there are hell a lot of boring ones on the loan process and laptop configurations, which, contrary to the popular belief of every incoming batch are extremely hassle free and easy to acquire. And, yeah, every one of these mailers solemnly promise how much they are looking forward to joining B blah.. blah.. which is totally true I think, for after all, I too said and expected the same and got more than I asked for :D
But, there have been some queries which are real gems. And, I wonder, I do wonder, about the first week of the poor pitiable guys who generated these queries :P
Here are a few:
• "Who bears the expenses for the exchange program.. self?" – Well, what the heck is that supposed to mean? If you are trying to ask about scholarships etc., why not make that clear rather than getting into trouble with Arbit of this kind?
• "Someone posted that there are good reasons to stay back during term V at IIMB. What are those?" – The answer to this one is extremely profound! It was something like “Because in an exchange system, when you give something, you get something in return.” – Now that is one hell of an answer which made me laugh for 10 minutes straight
• “Though most of my questions have been answered but I was just wondering if we are allowed to visit anyone's room late night as well, considering that there are mixed hostels??” – It is intriguing what is really going on in that mind which posed this question. Extremely fast that one! But equally kiddish too! 'Allowed to visit' I believe.. Haven't heard of such stuff in a post graduate environment!
• And, some of these “I am handsome, I have 1 GF and expect to have many more” level intros which must really be pissing off those poor fachchas interning away to glory promptly evoking responses like “C'mon guys this is not some orkut community. And we seniors are not jobless at all. Its high time you realise that you will be entering a Post grad. campus and professionalism is expected from each and everyone here.” – Oh man! Sometimes or at least most times, even words in mails get passed down from one batch to another
But overall, the fachcha batch seems to be most creative and enterprising in its endeavour to help out the incoming batch what with the 11 p.m. rule and “Peace Club”! IIMB Rocks as always and am still sifting through hundreds more of these mails laughing every other second. Some way of time pass, that, at least for the rest of the month!

P.S. I was terribly hungry at 2.30 in the morning today and missed Athicas like never before for 2 hours straight before dropping off to sleep again :(

Tashan

Today, I was wondering why I had not blogged in a long time now, considering how jobless I have been the past few weeks. Well, that's really not true. Given that I have been jobless for so long, I have been going about with a hung out tongue in search of some subject to blog about. And, when I get one, I don't jot it down because I inevitably am not using my laptop at that moment. And, funnily enough, I forget the stuff later on which stands testimony to how boring and uninteresting a thought I must have been having.

And, it's not with blogs that I am having this trouble. These days, I find it tough even to put some creative tagline on GTalk. Now, this is some serious problem, 'cos if you refer to my previous post Of manias and disorders you would definitely have realized what a "Tagline-maniac" I am.

And, thus, the problem set me thinking. I read through each of my posts and realized that I do not write too much about the world in general. There have seldom been posts on issues of public interest. They are rather posts on my own personal world. Looks as if I am pretty much obsessed with myself and what affects me at a personal level. Is such an obsession healthy? Or is it that I like writing about things that I actively participate in or am a subject/victim of rather than those that I view through the lens of the road sider?

P.S. - I am on this "Hindi-learning" spree and the latest word in my dictionary is "Tashan". Since this post has somehow touched upon my style of blogging, I thought I would name it "Style". Well, I know it does not really have that fitting a contextual meaning, but, nevertheless, I am a very arbit female :)

....

A thing of beauty it was
Happiness was in the air
Every day was new and fresh
Everything around a feast to the eyes
Thoughts never before dreamt of
Became the essence of life and the universe
Joy multiplied by leaps and bounds
With each subsequent act
Of nature and man, in sync with one another
Life is beautiful, said I
Over and over again
And felt and lived it too
An unrepeatable phase of life it is
But, nevertheless,
A thing of beauty is a joy forever!

An ode to IIMB, perhaps

I came in all excited
And then immediately wanted to leave
'Cos I was missing home and my room
Mom and my friends
And thousand other things
But slowly I forgot that I was missing anything
There were other people, lots to do
Stuff to think about
So much to explore
There came a time
When I stopped going home
'Cos this was home after all
And my room my own
With a community for an identity
Now a time has come
To leave a place again
The place that made me what I am today
Brought out the real me from the trenches of my soul
Full of energy and enthusiasm
Knowledge about the little world I am part of
Craziness and Arbitness
Fighter spirit too at times
Made me behave my normal abnormal way
While still enjoying it all every minute
I know I will terribly terribly miss you
My dear own IIMB
But what is love if not missing too!

Of manias and disorders

Different people have different manias in life. For example, some people keep talking over phone all through the nights (with people other than their gfs and bfs as well: night - phone - o - mania), some keep going for second and third and fourth rounds of desserts (sweet - o - mania), some keep sleeping through days and nights continuously (sleep - o - mania), some keep orkutting with arbit people and known people also at times (scrap - o - mania), some keep cribbing about shortlists and interviews and the fact that they are single (group all that together as crib - o - mania) and so on.

I have a very strange mania, called tagline - o - mania. Yes, my frequency of changing taglines on GTalk and BRacket is one per hour, if you are lucky. Sometimes, I even change them every five minutes, because I seem to be having so much to tell the world. I would put "I am loving everything" this very minute, then get cranked up over something, scream at someone and come back and put "I hate the world!" in just five minutes time. I think it could even be a Compulsive Tagline Disorder (CTD), something far more strange and scary than a mania. But, I do like it after all you know. All that footage I get from those hazaar taglines I keep changing on GTalk. Right now, I am battling with myself and the world on which of these taglines to put on GTalk for the next ten minutes. Should it be "Aakhri Baar.." (Last Exam), "Completely Taxing Management" (That's my last end term Comprehensive Tax Management), "I flit, I float, I fleety flee I fly" (I don't know why because I am not exactly feeling that way), "Last exam of my academic life.. phew.." (Well, that's self-explanatory after all this rigmarole), "Of eminent friends and responsible superiors" (Which is not self explanatory and which I am least inclined to explain) and so on (Well that was just out of habit. It's only that much!). Anyway, going back to why I was writing this, it is just that I am not able to express soooooo much on a single tagline and so I thought "Why not blog this crap and then put the blog address as a tagline!" Not a very innovative thought that! But still a thought. Ok, I know I am arbitting too much today not least because its one of those "last" days again tomorrow. Yeah I guess you know by now.

Well, lets not digress. I have not yet figured out whether this is a mania or a disorder. But, I know of one other thing which is definitely a disorder.

I have this other, you could probably call mania, or in simple terms habit, of chatting really lots! If you have been following all my posts carefully, you would know that I am in fact addicted to GTalk and BR. So, I have this habit of chatting on multiple windows at once. And, when I am talking really interesting and/or personal stuff, I tend to rightly (or wrongly most of the times) type it on someone else's window. For instance, the other day, I was chatting with this friend of mine and telling him that my research work is getting published as a case in a book by my Prof (yeah I know I am bragging and I love all this footage! In fact I even put the mail from my Prof indicating the same as a tagline!). So, he asked me for a treat and I said "Yes, sure, why not, meet you at CCD tomorrow evening". And, promptly typed all this and sent it on this other group chat window, immediately leading to some 7 people pouncing on me saying "Yes we will be there". And, did I stop there? I actually typed what was meant for this group chat which went something like "Yeah 10k is too much. I can't afford it for the trip" and sent it to this friend of mine! Phew! One of those embarrassing moments, you would think! But, I have done more of them. Just today, I was asking after someone's health and telling him that he should call me if he needs anything at all and sent it on a GTalk chat window. These are just few of those instances I remember. I seem to be doing at least one every week and more on an average per week.

And, I tend to repeat mistakes with the same people at times, which is even more embarrassing. It is almost as if I am deliberately trying to get attention, which I am not, of course. I would be doing it only if I am not chatting with that person. Why would I do it with someone with whom my chat is going full strong and then get embarrassed and stop even!

Not that I get too embarrassed as well, you know! Most of my friends tell me that I do not know how to get embarrassed. More on that some other time (I know you are least interested in knowing about it, but I would still type it out in my own verbose way and pain everyone to read it as usual!)

Nostalgia!

"Time to leave the dream place I slept through, " says a friend. Once I log into GTalk, there are similar sounding status messages like "The last mile", "One more week to go", "Last three days of classes", "Done with IIM" etc. each one expressing a myriad of emotions on this last one week. To some, it looks like that most awaited release from jail. To most others, it feels like the end of the world.
Not many months ago, I too was counting down weeks with glee, reflecting sentiments similar to the former group, immensely happy at the thought of leaving. Now, there is little less of the glee, little more of the sorrow at having to leave.
Sorrow at having to leave
• Late night meetings
• CC war rooms
• The squad at the PGP office headed by Gundu Rao
• Talks at the Audi
• PPTs attended in business suits, business formals, PPT formals & informals
• Sleeping in class
• Working stealthily on the laptop (read chatting on GTalk) while some really serious stuff like economics, tax, finance and sales keep happening on the dais
• Surprise quizzes, not-so-surprise quizzes, announced quizzes all considered alike after sometime
• RGgiri
• Learning diaries
• Mentoring and mentees
• Unmaad and Vista
• L^2s and Dandiya nights
• Sports meets - the numerous Spardhas and Sangrams and Sangarshs and what nots
• Official GBMs and not-so-official GMs(Gossip Meetings)
• BRacket and Arbit
• Pathetically slow internet speeds
• DC++ our savior
• Resume submissions and shortlists
• 11:59:59
• Tea at NC at 12 midnight
• Campus walks at 1 in the morning, on the road to Whispering Teaks especially
• Music at full blast at 2 in the morning
• Laughing away to glory on not so deserted corridors at 3 in the morning
• Hot plates of Maggi at Athicas at 4 in the morning
• Chikamallaiah and his everyday quota of spams
• RTK with his own share
• Innumerable birthday treats, PPO treats, LPO treats and any other plausible treat on Earth
• 'Jab we met' level movies watched with a gleeful group of friends, armed with Lays and Pepsi
• Breakfast at the mess
• Dinners at Krishna Kafe
• CCS and its extension
• Papers, Competitions and Debates
• UnBold Inc.
• CP, ACP, DCP and more variants
• Special lunches for Pongal and Onam, candle light dinners on V Day
• Chocolate dedications on Christmas Eve
• Study groups formed towards the end of our times here


I know, I know I have got obsessed with bullet points. This is my third bullet point post. Happens with experience.. sigh! Could not find a better way to mention each and every one of these things that I am going to miss so much. Others please feel free to add to the list. I might have after all missed some really important stuff.

102F 120/100

I will really really try not to make this sound like Quite senti this one although you have no option but to put up with it even if it does :P

I have been "terribly ill" for some days now. One of those terrible times when I oh-so-much miss Mommy. Being the spoilt single kid I have always been (yes yes I am still a kid - don't even think otherwise, will you!), Mamma has been around always, be it fever small or big, food poisoning, or a fall on a perfectly flat floor with all the right friction. Oh yeah, that's another story in itself. My Dad used to say that I never learnt how to walk right. Just imagine walking on a perfectly flat floor with proper friction, as I said before, and generally tripping on your own feet and falling down, hurting your knees, ankles, hands and even face at times.

This term has been all this and more, the latest being 102F, 120/100 (Temperature and Blood Pressure in that order). Mom was yesterday very senti and said, "If I had been there, I would have done this.. that.. and a lot more". Then, I told her, "Amma don't worry. Really, people are doing this.. that.. and a lot more for your kid".

For instance, there is my brother, the official Hospital partner, who keeps shoving food into my mouth all the time. Actually, I do willingly eat because the alternative would be to listen to whole loads of related and unrelated gyaan with probablys and possiblys thrown around freely here and there. Sometimes, I imagine what's gonna happen when this guy gets kids. Imagine a place full of small gyaaners replicating him! Lord save the world!

Then, there is the happy family which lovingly cuts apples for me, forever chides me saying, "Beta, how can you not finish a course of tablets", gets fruit cakes 'cos am tired of having mess food that further sickens my already sickened mouth and tongue and life, forces food into my mouth, even mess level food, makes me laugh and laugh and laugh leaving me happy and contented like never before.

Then of course, there is the fairy who thinks she is the Dada of IIMB. Oh yeah, you should listen to the kind of stuff she talks. "What eh! What! What will you do now? You better don't do anything that I do not approve of ok!" I love it when she thinks am really really getting intimidated with whatever she says with that cute smile on her face :) I still remember that night when I was shivering like crazy and kept calling her to cover me with blanket after blanket, quilt after quilt. She kept rubbing my feet and hands and making them warm, and almost moving me to tears.

How can I miss out the k'night' who calls me regularly before every meal to find out what I want and keeps getting it for me, and keeps scolding me all the time for not taking proper care of myself, forces me into wearing sweaters and jackets. I hate to admit it, but I do get kinda scared of her at times!

And yes, the Black Tea woman who keeps saying, "If you need anything call me ok" with a cute sweet smile. And 'cos of whom I have taken a sudden liking for black tea.

And Manage who says the whole illness could possibly be because of loads of ice I kept on my face around two weeks ago (remember that habit of mine to trip on my own feet and fall - one of those days when I hurt my face major time). I know that life is a cycle but I did not know that it is chain enough for one illness to lead directly to another. Interesting thought that!

And, almost all the people in this small world of mine who keep calling me to assure me that I am over exerting myself (God knows who put such ideas in their minds!) and I should really sit back and take some rest for a change(which I am anyway doing, more so ever now thanks to all these antibiotics).

Actually, you know what, I do not know how to end this post. Like, should I sing an ode or something as tribute? Would sound very filmy right? So let me stop here. Very abrupt, I know. It doesn't really matter. And, I am NOT going to say thanks now and get kicked when I am in a 'bimaar' state already. Love you guys! All of you! Each of you in a special, different way :)

I wish.. or rather I wished!

When I was around ten years old, I got this awesome looking diary for new year from my dad. It was a UNICEF diary with pictures of kids from various parts of the world on each page. I fell so much in love with the thing that I spent around two months preserving it carefully with not so much as an ink mark on it while wondering about what kind of use to put it to that would merit its beauty. And then it hit me. Yeah.. I had for such a long time been aspiring to be a poetess (During those times, feminist I WAS, I still preferred using words like poetess and authoress of the archaic world :P) that the idea immediately caught on. And, I started writing. The usual stuff, you know.. On Nature and Flowers and Children and Animals.. And then, I wrote "I wish I were". I wrote for around 2-3 pages on what all I wished I were and why. The poem was on the following lines
"I wish I were a rose
That would be admired and loved by everyone"
and so on..

Now, you guys must be getting exasperated and wondering what I am trying to get at with such a long autobiography on nothingness. I will tell you in a moment.

Today, I was thinking too much (as usual, about irrelevant and incoherent stuff)and suddenly I wished again. This time, I did not wish to be things or people, for, after 12 long years, I have realized that I am quite content and happy with who I am rather than being a tiger or a lion or a nightingale.

I wished I could tell my little world what all goes through my not-so-little mind. I wished I could tell it that it is grossly wrong about the notions it has about me and my apparently uninteresting & ordinary life. I wished I could tell it that all that shows out might not always be the truth. I wished I could break this world free of its misconceived and baseless ideas. But, I realized soon enough that these are just wishes, not hopes. They are as good as those wishes I'd had 12 years back. Things that can neither be said nor done, but can only be imagined and illusioned. Or, rather, things that WOULD neither be said nor done, but WOULD only be imagined and illusioned.

For, ain't I a true Leo after all!:D

These are a few of my favorite things..

• Long bike rides
• Rich chocolate cakes
• Honey dipped ice cream
• Laughing over nothing
• Unexpected surprises
• Expected ones too
• Talking arbit
• Nice, warm hugs
• Playing UNO into the night, losing pathetically, occasionally winning as well
• An ipod which says ‘Life is beautiful’
• 8 hours sleep
• Memories of good times
• Being ‘kavity’
• Fresh flowers
• The pink theme
• Multitasking on chat windows
• Teasing friends to death
• ‘Bummy’
• Writing scandalous testimonials
• Getting nice ones in return
• Looking at someone's face glow with happiness when I give that "oh-so-important-to-me" gift
• ‘From Rahman for Bosnia’
• Marine Drive on a star lit night, with me, the sea and not much in between
• Being pampered to the extent of feeling like a kid
• Coming up with innovative status messages and generally feeling noticeable
• Watching a favorite movie on T.V., even though I have a D.V.D. of it
• Writing long letters filled with loads of love, affection and what not
• Reading more than writing 'em long letters
• Heavy rains, Sunday afternoon, a hot plate of 'bhajjis', a book in hand
• Fighting with Mom and then giving up
• Fighting with friends and never giving up
• Last day of exams
• An earth shakingly clean room, filled with stuff carefully picked by me
• Night walks near 'Whispering Teaks'
• Expressive greeting cards
• Friends who take complete ownership over me
• Lot of people, heavy traffic and a general sense of well being and belonging
• GTalk at 4 in the morning
• Public holidays
• Public holidays immediately after a Sunday
• Dandiya during Diwali - if not dance, at least watch!!
• Sweets, sweets and more sweets
• Chocolates, chocolates, chocolates and more chocolates
• Packages of brownies that come all the way from Mumbai to Bangalore, packed with more than just brownies
• Shopping on Linkin Road
• Destination airports
• Shoulders that are always ready for my resting head and endless tears
• Sometimes Marketing
• Even more so Consumer Behavior
• Generally dressing up
• Of late, stoles
• And always, blogging!!

Thanks to plagiarism!!

A decent enough post has been long long overdue on this blog. But, given the state of affairs with me, I guess thats going to take an even longer time. Right now, I am going to "copy-paste" (yes, ardently following my school-college-school days' fundae) things that I had loved in books that I read and am reading. There is no connection as such between one "bullet point" and the other, but giving each of them a thought has made me a "profound thinker" over the past few weeks.

1. The truth is a bully we all pretend to like.
2. The real trick in life is to want nothing and to succeed in getting it.
3. You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.
4. We make them cry who care for us. We cry for those who never care for us. And we care for those who will never cry for us. That is the truth of life; it’s strange but true.
5. I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not. You have to move on.
6. Remember you are born to live. Don't live because you are born! Don't go the way life takes you. Take life the way you go!!
7. I don’t know what frightens me more, the power that crushes us or our endless ability to endure it.
8. Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears. In the end that’s all there is: love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end that’s all we have – to hold on tight till the dawn.
9. Some of the worst wrongs were caused by people who tried to change things.
10. Mistakes are like bad loves; the more you learn from them, the more you wish they’d never happened.
11. Every virtuous act has some dark secret in its heart, and every risk we take contains a mystery that can’t be solved.
12. It isn’t a secret, unless keeping it hurts.
13. We concentrate our laws, investigations, prosecutions, and punishments on how much crime is in the sin, rather than how much sin is in the crime.
14. Happiness is a myth that was invented to make us buy things.
15. Depression only happens to people who don’t know how to be sad.
16. Love means never having to say you are sorry.
17. How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?
18. People never know how special someone is until they leave, but maybe sometimes it’s important to leave, so they are given that chance to see how special that someone really is!!

I was wondering whether to add references for each of these "bullet points" or rather "number points"!! But, I decided to save myself the trouble and let you guys have the fun of wondering and searching for them across the plethora (that is definitely not an under-statement) of books available in this Universe.

The last one alone is something you will never be able to get from any book in this Universe. It was coined by a dear sweet "kutty" friend of mine!!

My soulless soul

As days go by
It gets scarier
And then the pain creeps in
The pain of fight
A fight for life
A life I want
A want, a wish
A wish of peace
That peace with myself
A self that contradicts
My emotions, my soul

Quite senti this one!

"The hardest part of missing friends isn't their absence, but it is when you think of all the good times you have shared and ask yourself 'Will those moments happen again?'"

Thank you. Thank you so much for all that applause. But really it isn't all that necessary you know. The beginning lines of this post are too good to be.. umm.. my own!!!

I have been feeling so for the past too many days. And, now that my departure is just four days, to be precise, four and a half days away, there is this sinking feeling in my heart which says things are never going to be the same again. I din't feel anywhere near this when I left school. There are loads of friends who did NOT go to the same college as me. And quite a few of them went out of town for their studies. It never hurt me much 'cos we still kept in touch, met regularly and kept updated of what was happening in eachother's lives. Those days.. oh come on.. they have already become those days.. fine.. let me continue. Those days(!!), when there was something hot and happening in college, there was always this someone I could rush back home to, call up and umm.. you can call it gossip.. but I will be decent about it.. yeah "talk" about, pour my heart out to someone when I was really down, share a nice joke that happened in class.. well the list goes on. More than all this, there has always been this psychological feel that my friends are all around the place, located geographically close to me. Believe me or not, it gives a lot of mental peace.

But now, all through the week messages have been flying around the place. They all read the same or almost the same. "Hi.. am leaving for ___ tomo/today/watever... I wil be changing my number.. Do keep in touch through mail.. all the best". So many of them in such a short span of time that they have made me crazy. And, thinking about it, it would not be long before I too send a similar message to all my friends.

And, then what happens to all those regular meets of ours? Is all that possible any more? Oh yeah all of us would have holidays but would they synchronise? And even if they synchronise, would'nt time be too short for us to spend it with friends what will all those days we would want to spend with our family and all those relatives we would have to meet and all those temples we might have to visit? So, is that all? Have all those nice, sweet days come to an end? Will e-mail, ym and orkut suffice to keep in touch? Well, at least we have something to keep in touch through. Or else, all these wonderful relationships that we have forged through all these years might, just might, be forgotten and lost.

Comedy at its best

I had some real good fun for three hours last week. Oh yes I had been to a wonderful movie. So very blatant and picteresque(yeah you read it right-picteresque comedy!!!) the comedy was, that I din't really have to lisetn to the dialogues. The visual effects were more than enough to send me into peals of laughter. Of course you must all have started wondering now about what could have been so special about the movie that I take pains to blog about it and waste your time. There certainly have been better comedy flicks before. But, that's the catch. All critics had written about a violent and gory film with a little too much of bloodbath. So, when I got my ticket and settled down in my seat for the show for which I was already late, I had the feeling that I had come for the wrong movie. The scene was supposed to be something emotional. Our hero or.. the anti-hero or.. the protagonist or.. wait I have a better name still.. our comedian's mom had been killed by his dad and was busy trying to dispose off her body. Our comedian(let's make it C-am getting terribly tired typing this entire word 'cos whenever I type it I still am going into peals of laughter) wanted to cry his heart out, I suppose both 'cos his mom had died and 'cos now his dad wanted to kill him as well(the only witness to the incident). He really did a great job man. I have never ever been in a theater where such a "moving" and "thrilling" scene as this could evoke, of all things, laughter!!! But laugh we did 'cos we wanted to give company to C who was really not sure of how to cry(I guess he needs some training from our serial artistes who can cry without glycerine). He was trying to wail with throat bared and eyes popped out and it was a.. hmm... am using comic too many times.. anyway.. it was an extremely funny spectacle. And it happened so many times in the movie that it became boring after a while. Oh yeah, something pretty important needs to be mentioned here. C evolves into the "pettai dada". Now, don't you think it weird for a "pettai dada" to be crying.. or.. ahem.. trying to cry always. But, this is where you are mistaken. The director always believes in making his story as different from any existing or existable(pardon me if that word does'nt exist) story and so our C always try to cry when he is in a tricky situation.

Oh yeah I should'nt be deviating from the topic. C, a school going kid, runs away from home to escape his father's axe(oh yes really an axe) and reaches Chennai, the haven of all "rowdies"!!! He gets absorbed in a cool and upcoming startup and slowly rises up the ranks. He is first a temporary employee and put in the sales department-selling dope is his first assignment. And, when the need arises, he is called upon to perform other high-end jobs like pasting posters and running away from the enemy gang in the process. Now, you might be musing over where this enemy gang came in from. Very simple yaar!!! Like how countries have territories, gangs too have territories and since our C was trespassing on the rival gang's territory he is thrashed beyond recognition(not that he was looking particularly good otherwise)!!! And now comes a twist to the tale. Our C, who had been behaving like a school kid all along, listening to his "elders" and doing the job given to him, transforms into a strong(!!!), violent creature and beats everyone of those people around him to pulp and kills one of them in the process. Now, a big question arises. Our C has done ONE murder and so he is no longer small enough to continue as a sales boy. But, our C has done "just one murder" and so he is ot really all that big to be promoted to the next level. So there is confusion in the "company" and the "manager" decides to test him. Test: Bring the right hand of a guy. Though our C has killed 1 guy, he is really not that biiiiiiiig yet to cut the hand of a live guy. He is assisted in this by an experienced leader of the company and somehow accompolishes the mission. And so on moves the story line. Our C is constantly promoted based one the number of points he gets. The points are once again based on a complex system where in higher the number of people killed, higher the points. And more important the person killed, more the pints and so on. I was so intent on keeping track of C's growth in the organisation that I lost track of the point system.

Then, one fine day, C achieves the numero uno status-"pettai dada". So long, I havent really commented in detail on C's stature have I? Let's come to that now. There is this big sofa, hey really big man, both in length and width. It's all empty. Hey, wait a minute, there is something on the sofa. On close scrutiny, I realise that it's none other than our very own Ceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Our C now swirls swords(bigger than him of course, and even thicker than him), kicks people around with bare legs(or should I say bare sticks), and so on and on and on. In the middle somewhere, he marries two-yeah you got the spelling right-not 'too' but 'two'. He marries twice, one after the other, immediately and enjoys life with both. But, suddenly, our C has had enough of all this. He does'nt want to remain "pettai dada" anymore. So, you thought he is trying to reform? My dear friends, you are so very wrong. This is where we have the directorial touch-you remember? the one who likes doing things differently. So, our C wants to enter politics and become a minister. He has a couple of setbacks. Pretty minor only. He loses his wives(one is dead and the other mentally retarded), his child(throws it into a dustbin on the way!!!), a hand and a leg. But chalo yaar that's all part of the bargain man. He makes it big in the political arena and retires after opening and guiding(!!!) a lot of educational institutions.

Sweet Eighteen!!!

I turned eighteen yesterday. Oh yes you guys must be wondering huccome that's possible this female must have turned eighteen long back(well not so long back people!!). Ok ok let me break your thoughts and get to the point right away. I exercised the full meaning of my becoming a major yesterday. Yes, I voted for the first time in my life. And as I am typing this out that indelible(or so they say) mark is smiling up at me bobbing its head in rythm to the movement of my left hand. It is a great feeling. And all you people out there who either have'nt had the opportunity to exercise your franchise or dint think much about pulling your lazy selves out of bed to go to the booth to do it, don't think am exaggerating. Not many people get this freedom to choose their leaders you know. Look at Nepal where people had to get to the streets to fight for something like that. Yes, getting back to how I felt immediately after my very first vote, I really felt I had done something really useful for the first time in my life. I know my one vote is going to make no big difference in this state of 4.2 crore voters but just imagine what happens if everyone starts thinking that way. Not all of us have the guts to get into politics because most of us think its dirty(well i should not be saying most of us 'cos technically only I and a miniscule number of people around me think so). Anyway let me just assueme so. We cant get into politics. But at least we can make sure the wrong person does'nt get in. I know this post has been extremely dry and drab and tending too much towards the advising tone but when a lot of people I know seem to have taken it so lightly and refrained from voting I din't figure out what else I could but vent out my feelings in as public a space as this. So, friends, next time there is an election, please vote 'cos voting is as much a fundamental duty as it is a fundamental right.

Of Mandal and Patkar

Really, people must be confused on reading the title. What do these two people have in common or in difference or in any way to be related so. Let me make things a bit clear. Now Mandal here refers to the now famous or infamous Mandal Commission and its recommendations. For people still in the dark, let me be a bit more clear. The Commission has something to do with increasing reservation for the backward classes in institutions including the IITs and the IIMs. A lot of debate has been going on thanks to the recommendations. One striking point is, if a person is able to come all the way upto a postgraduation degree, then it just means that the person has been able to afford and cope with all his education upto then. Does such a person need more reservation for further studies? Should'nt the government be concentrating more on providing primary education to everyone? Fine, let us assume it is necessary. Let us assume that the government is trying its level best to emancipate the needy and backward people. Going under the assumption that most of the backward people would be illiterate and hence poor too,the government is in turn trying to emancipate the poor. Agreed.


Its at this point that I am struck by the irony. By now, even if you have not got familiar with the Mandal Commission and its recommendations, you would certainly be knowing about the uproar created by the fast observed by Narmada Bachao Andolan leader Medha Patkar. To put it in a nutshell, it has something to do with the problem in rehabilitation of numerous poor people due to the raise in the height of the Sardar Sarovar dam. This lady was forcibly removed from wherever she was fasting, after a week of callous attitude on part of the Government and admitted to the All India Institute of Medical Sciences where she still refuses Intraveneous food. What is this lady trying to do? Is'nt she fighting her utmost for the cause of the poor?


If the Government is really bothered about the condition of the backward classes, should'nt it be concentrating more on such pressing issues than bringing in a reservation which is going to benefit more the second and third generation of such backward classes, to be more precise, socially, but not economically backward classes, who know most of these facilities and hence are able to avail them without any trouble?

Too silly????

Today was a remarkable day. Thats what i thought immediately on leaving college. It was one of those days when everything seemed to be working ultra proper. Man, I had at last finished my project and shown a working demo to my guide and even satisfied her with it.

Is'nt that a great accompolishment? is all I kept telling myself again and again and so absorbed was I with my "accompolishment" that I forgot that I was damn too hungry and promptly came to the bus stop and took the first bus that came there. But, yeah, though blinded by happiness, I still managed to board the bus that would take me home. Now, how was I to know that that would'nt happen?

Well, for all the nice things that had happened to me today, now, now, can I use "all the" cos the demo was the only thing that had at all happened till the evening, but anyway, getting back to where i left it, for all the or some of the or one of the nice things that happened to me, I got "battered" in just two hours time.

In a sense of de ja vu, I got into that bus and then realised that I was the only person standing and deemed to be for the next 45 minutes, thanks to our beloved CM. Now, you people must have started wondering where she fits into the entire picture. And maybe connected the title with this fact and got really very confused as to how I journeyed with our beloved CM. Sorry folks!!! You are terribly wrong. Actually, she was or was supposed to be coming on the other side of the road and her dutiful followers had all but blocked the road in order to give her a rousing welcome. Net result, me poor girl stood inside the bus a good 45 minutes and then got a seat only to know that the bus was not headed home.

As is the case most of the time in our city, a major diversion had been charted out to ensure the free flow of Amma's vehicle and we got lots. Yeah, you read it right. All of us inside the bus, including the conductor and the driver, along with the bus, got lost. For, none of us knew where the road on which we were going was headed. But, people like me, who had little experience with the 'n' number of roads in Chennai, except for their usual source and destination, had a field day today. The bus went through innumerable streets and roads, small and big, but, yeah, mostly small and crooked only. I was, like any good daughter, making a mental note of all the roads we were travelling across, and giving a running commentary to my mother. But, at one point of time, I really got very worried. The address out there was Mettupalayam. Now, if I remember right, with the feeble geographical knowledge I have, that's a place at the foot of Ooty. Tell me honestly, if you were in such a vulnerable position as me, would'nt you panic? Well, I dont know about you, but being the highly sane person I am, I did and before I could voice out my concern, we were onto a familiar road. What kind of magic was that? is all I could muse and muse I did with of course with no real knowledge gained.

Though familiar it was, we still were not seeming to be taking the familiar route and by hook or crook or god's grace or Amma's luck, I reached home but fom the opposite direction. I say Amma's luck cos, if I had got lost really, I would'nt have spared her. Now, I said that in a haste. What really can I do? At the most, I may vote for someone else. But does that make any difference to her? I understand what would be running through all your minds just now. What silly girl this is who would'nt vote for someone cos she got stranded in the traffic due to that person. Now, I am not really that silly, am I? I will give you the other reasons.

Hey, but wait a minute. What was the purpose of this post when I started it? To make it as funny as possible. Now this seems to have turned into some kind of political analysis. I cant allow that. But, now that I have typed this much, I really cant not post it cos it doesnt sound funny. Thats too silly, is'nt it????

P and C

Now, what strikes you on reading this title? Well, it depends on what kind of a person you are. If you are this geek kind who has lived your entire life with numbers, it would lead to Permutations and Combinations. But, fortunately or unfortunately, since I don't fall into that category, I would use it in a totally different sense, something more to close to my heart, something that brings elation to thousands of young people. Let me come to the point. I am referring to those magic words "Postponements and Cancellations". Does that ring a bell, any of you? It would, if you are that normal kind of person who just hates getting up in the morning 'cos of some impending assignment or assessment due that day. In that case, you need a lot of tuition from us(read me and my classmates) who have an uncanny knack for postponing and inevitably cancelling anything when the noose is on the verge of tightening around our neck.

It all started way back when we were in first year and we had to submit the damn e.d. assignments. Now, now, any average engineering student like me would get "petrified" hearing those two letters. For the benefit of lucky people who have escaped that ordeal, it expands into engineering drawing. Thinking back, really, there was no use for this postponement. It was the same kind of dirty unintelligible work I would turn in at that zenith point beyond which postponements were simply not possible. This habit just continued into subsequent years of our "education" and got nurtured with experience into the more favourable "cancellations".

A point has now been reached where in everybody looks upon us as the veterans of the art. Whenever I mention I have a test tomorrow the general reaction is "Oh!! You and people and your tests. You would obviously get it postponed at least 3 times before considering it worthy of taking up". Did that go to our head? It did, I guess. It is said, "Pride comes before fall". It has come 10000% right in our case.

This is the last assessment in our life and we decided to do complete justice to it. So we got into our favourite pastime and started postponing it-to different combinations of days and times- so much so that I have really lost track of how many times we did it this time. And, today we decided, "Enough of postponements. Let us cancel it once and for all". Now isn't that the best way to conclude your tryst with assignments once and for all in life? So, we went up to Sir and asked him to give us an assignment instead. Mind you, this was a unanimous decision even though there were poor souls who had already slogged with the thing day and night and completed studying (still there are some dutiful people on earth). Sir, after some deliberation, sweet he was or so we thought, accepted the proposition and asked the representative to meet him and get the questions later in the afternoon. Completely flooded with the victory we had achieved, I went about blowing my trumpet to my other department friends and blissfully saying "Mission accompolished". Now comes the blow. Sir, out of love for the test I guess, has changed his mind and has, for once, decided the time and date of the test, and imposed it on us.

Everything has gone beyond control now. I can only wait and pray "The postponement continues..."

The M-C-K confusion

The other day, my friends and I were musing over when and in whose regime our good old Madras got its lovely Tamil name, Chennai. We had a heated debate on whether it was changed by Amma or Anna, and then realised our former CM is referred to "lovingly" by some other name, and not able to recollect what that was, moved on to another perspective of the name change.

Since Madras has now become Chennai, doesn't IIT-Madras become IIT-Chennai, and so don't we have to call it IIT-C rather than IIT-M? If that is the case, would'nt IIM-C become IIM-K because of the Kolkata change? And lo behold!!!What becomes of the present IIM-K? Does it get to become IIM-C because Kozhikode was once called Calicut? Now, if that is the case, would'nt it defy all logic, as we originally embarked upon the discussion of name changes from "old to new" and got back the other way round? Now, terribly confused and confounded at where we had got the discussion to, and really not being smart enough to find a way out, we decided to leave things as they are now and dispersed.

The 'C' Experience

This, hopefully, is my first serious post, not taking into account that blabbing on the name connection I had made in my previous one and let me get straight to the point. Well, not really!!! I can't start about my interview experience for IIM-C I had at the B campus without talking about the wonderful journey I had to bangalore. I had gone by the night train as my interview was shceduled for the following afternoon. Since I had had a really very tiring day, hoping to catch some sleep on the train, I crept into my berth. No sooner had I got into a comfortable position did the trouible start. There were this gentleman and lady on the berths above mine and they really wanted all of us there to have a very eventful night. They snored and snored so very rythmically and periodically, taking beautiful turns that you would have thought they had it all pre-planned. But the only catch was that they were total strangers to eachother. Now us poor souls in the other berths had no other option but to listen to the sonorous, or should I say, snorous concert and toss left and right, of course in rythm with the snores. "Waah kyaa baat hai!!!" Even Zakhir Hussain would have been surprised and appreciated the jugal bandi made by the nasal and spinal chords that night.
Well, net result, I went bleary eyed and yawning to my friend's place the following morning. And, being the adamant soul I am, I turned down an offer to enjoy a luxurious sleep, for no known, sane reason and instead opted to solve the "sudoku" of the day which to my disgust, turned out to be the hardest I had come across for some time now.
Now, for the next disaster. I reached the B campus and went prompt to the panel lists only to find my name 11th(last)on the list. This was certainly not turning out to be my field day. I was in for a loooooooong wait.
On a day which was turning out to be by and far disastrous, came the next bombshell. I was really expecting a factual GD topic. Not that I particular enjoy it. An abstract would have been better but not the one of the likes we got. "The kingdom of heaven is within you". It was certainly not within me that day and so I really had to squeeze my poor brain which was already trying hard to keep awake and get some points. A 11 member gd is bound to be chaotic or so I thought. But nothing was turning out as i thought it would that day, and so the peace and calm did not come as a surprise. The point was, none of us were really comfortable and ready with points for this topic. Ideas from ethics to culture to meditation to karma to fate raged over the gd table. But we ran out of ideas after some time and became very congenial and amicable to our fellow members, almost begging people to continue from where we had ended our blabberings. And finally the time came when the panelists said STOP. Whew!! I have never had such a long 12 minutes before. It seemed more so like 120 minutes. And then the random summarizing started. I think the C people really hated my name, for, even in the random order, I was called in the end to summarize. Now, just imagine, in such a topic where we already have talked to nothingness in the gd and 10 people before me have analyzed it from every nook and corner, what does a poor soul like me do. But, yet I talked. Talking does come easy to people like me, who have to talk their way through projects where there are absolutely no results to show. Now, my collegemates had heartily support me on that.
And then started the long and painful wait. Every time a guy walked out of the room after the interview, poor souls like me would run to him asking him how it was. The feedback frustrated me. "Very general". Now, for a person like me, who has fine combed the entire Union budget '06 for the very first time in life in the hope of tackling interview questions on that, and gone through all the technical subjects possible with finesse, this sure comes as a blow. But I consoled myself saying it was good to have "general awareness" and continued with the wait. Meanhile, we had a mini gd on the differences between the IT industry and computer industry, and mind you, we were not really vetti enough to do it. Only that a guy had been asked it and so, we wanted to be all prepared. We concluded that IT is application of technology while computer industry deals with compiling technology. Now a major question arised. If Microsoft is a computers company, which I believe it is, then is MS-Office compilation of technology? Now, to my already confused soul, such an "intellectual" question is just too much and so I had to give up on that.
To add on to my woes, there was this guy who was just before me on the list and so he was destined to wait for almost the same time as me. This guy was really bugged with life. Now, that is no excuse to bug others, is it? Everybody waiting there came under his attack, and yeah, you guessed it right, it being my very own disastrous day, could I be spared of the noose!!! He just had to talk on and on and on about something or the other, but thankfully, all he needed was someone who could nod his/her head understandingly. Me being an engineering student and having done it all my college life in class, even when I am really sleeping with eyes wide open, the feat came really easy. Now, thats how useful education, especially, an engineering one, can get!!!
Finally, after a long wait from 2.45 when my gd got over to 6.15, I was called in. I guess everyone else in all other panels had left by then. I entered and was flabbergasted seeing 4 panelists seated there. I thought, well fine, atleast one of them would be busy checking my originals. But, yeah, right, it was not at all my day. All four of them were ready to pounce on me. First things first, but. there were a round of apologies from them for having made me wait for so long which I "graciously" accepted. And then, the question I was least expecting was hurled at me. "Since we have kept you waiting for so long, you take up the post of interviewer and feel free to ask us any two questions you would want to know about from us." Come on, yaar, gimme a break. Bu, I had to think up something fast and ask some crap, to which I got, well, you could say, expected answers. And then the firing started. All while one panelist's laptop was churning out songs(dint notice which language) and another's mouth was churning out smoke. I had, due to bad luck, used the word "niche" in my form and was asked to explain on that. I gave some obviously unconvincing answer and then was asked about my niche in engineering. On hearing the answer, there was one round of, "that-could-be-anyone's-specialisation" kind of look and then we proceedeed. Questions on my Veena playing, how algorithms can be applied to Veena playing, the gd experience and so on followed. Am really not very enthused to give detailed explanations on all that and bore you people. Overall, I could just find out they were mighty disinterested with the whole thing, for not even my originals were checked, as all four of them were busy quizzing me. And then, after 15 minutes, they chucked me out.
That night I was back on the train again, on my wqay back to good old Chennai. Now I was pretty much sure I would not be able to sleep that night too, as I would be musing over my dismal performance at the big one's interview. That was not the only reason. The "snorous" lady of the previous night's journey was back in the station to journey back to Chennai. You would have guessed it right this time too. The lady went to a different coach and as had been the case through out the journey, my premonitions failed me and I slept heartily on the train back home.