Surprise me. Not.

I loved surprises as a kid. I would rummage through dad’s briefcase and mom’s handbag looking for goodies when they came back from anywhere. And while doing so, my standard greeting for them would be, “What did you get for me?” Mom used to give an exasperated, “Why don’t you just tell us what you want?” response many a time, to which my defense was, “But, I just wanted to be surprised.” 

With time, I have learnt that all I am doing with that strategy is setting people up to take an impossible-to-clear test of how well they can determine what exactly I want at a certain point in time (which could be a bright pinkish hand-bag at one time, and a demure black purse the other). For, a desired gift is always a better deal than a disappointing surprise. 

If we extrapolate that logic a little further, my biggest fear with the impending wedding has been the thought of being left with 10 crockery sets and 15 walls clocks as gifts. Yeah, I am exaggerating. There are other, bigger fears to bother about, but just so you know, this one makes it to the top 3. 

The West has sorted this issue out quite well, with the groom and bride unabashedly stating what they want, leaving friends and relatives with a restricted list of items to choose as gifts. We, on the other hand, are a society that prides in mentioning “No gifts please” in our wedding invites and then getting disappointed by the countless flower bouquets. 

Don’t take me wrong, I love flower bouquets, I so do. But, how exactly do I preserve those bouquets and decorate my faraway home with them in the middle of temple visits, and lunch invitations at relatives’ houses, and getting to know my new family, and going on my honeymoon, while also logging into the remote access to check work e-mail? 

So, with a heavy heart, and after extensive “IM”ing with V, and with his explicit approval, I thought it might be a good idea to write about that Western culture we all would so love to embrace, but stop short of, only out of embarrassment at no one having done it before. 

Mini-skirts were not in fashion at some point of time in India. Women were shy to wear them because our society would look down upon them with disdain. But, someone pioneered it alright. And, now it is a rage. So, why not Wedding Registries, I pondered. And, then, I thought I should leave you with the idea so that you can give me your express opinion, before I jump the gun with an Excel list, as I am wont to do. 

Just when things sorted out in my head, I hit roadblock one. A wedding registry is not a wish list. V and I cannot put out a list of all the furniture we want at home, because those are essentials we should ideally buy at our own pace, over time. We cannot put out a list of all the fancy gadgets that we ever aspired to own, because that would be so crass and “wishy”, not to mention obscenely expensive too. So, what? Should we just put out a list of the crockery we would like to have? Oh, well, there is a near to one probability that an invitee who doesn’t read this post will gift us crockery anyway. So, this would become double counting. 

And, then, I hit roadblock two. Whom should I share the wedding registry with? I cannot insensitively send a link to everyone I am inviting, because that will almost be like forcing people to gift us something for a wedding they never intended to attend in the first place. 

And, finally, I hit roadblock three. I am not enterprising enough to be the first mover on this one. For, I have never worn a mini-skirt in my life. 

Since I invested time in writing this, and I have never understood the idea of sunk cost, I am going to post this one, at the risk of people not bothering to turn up at the wedding, being completely put off by this very transactional blog post. 

However, if you do turn up, I am going to catch you who doesn’t read my blog red-handed, or crockery-handed, if you may :)